In 2022, my husband and I faced an unimaginable loss when we lost our daughter at 16 weeks pregnant. The subsequent weeks brought a mix of emotions as I navigated the heart-wrenching process of birthing my baby, who had left us too soon. Two weeks later, a D&C was necessary to address lingering physical aspects.
This journey, filled with emotional, physical, and spiritual challenges, has reshaped my perspective on grief and healing.
January 2022, I found solace in an unexpected place—gospel music. Turning to the soothing melodies of KLOVE, I initially let the songs play in the background, not fully absorbing the lyrics.
However, as time unfolded, the power of the words began to seep into my wounded soul. In the midst of sadness, frustration, and depression, God worked through the music, offering a profound sense of comfort and healing.
This journey, set against the backdrop of gospel tunes, became a transformative experience. The lyrics, once distant, became a balm for my broken spirit, guiding me through a unique and deeply spiritual healing process.
Questions were being answered. God was speaking to me and I was all ears.
Each note became a companion as I poured out my tears and prayers, finding refuge in the lyrics that spoke directly to my crushed spirit. Through the melodies, I broke down often, yet each tear seemed to cleanse my soul. In the midst of the storm, I discovered a profound peace by surrendering to the only one capable of healing my wounds—Jesus.
This journey wasn’t solitary; my husband listened, and my children too. The music became a collective balm, soothing our collective wounds during a season marred by sadness and uncertainty. Together, we found strength in worship, a testament to the unyielding power of faith and the healing grace that accompanies it
In the sorrow, I grappled with so many emotions. Fury, anger, profound sadness, and the weight of depression became unwelcome companions. Questions echoed in the silent chambers of my heart, each syllable laden with pain.
“Why me? Why my baby? What did I do to deserve this?”
In the quiet, amidst the turmoil, I discovered an unyielding truth—God was still speaking, gently weaving his whispers through my heartbreak. Even when I couldn’t fathom the answers, He was orchestrating a symphony of healing, patiently waiting for me to find solace in His embrace.
As I surrendered my questions, God replaced them with a peace that transcends understanding. His grace became the anchor that steadied my soul, and His love, the balm that soothed the wounds of my questioning heart.
God spoke to me and said, “Draw closer to me.”
In obedience, I leaned into His presence, seeking solace within the sacred refuge of His love.
I discovered a profound peace—a peace that surpassed understanding and gently cradled my broken spirit. The journey from anguish to tranquility was not instantaneous; grief doesn’t yield to a swift resolution. This month, a reminder of loss carries its weight, and there are moments where the ache resurfaces, raw and unyielding.
Yet, by the unfathomable grace of God, joy has found its way into the fragments of my heart. It’s a joy that coexists with sorrow, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit when anchored in faith. The pain hasn’t dissipated entirely, but God’s presence has become a wellspring of hope, a source of strength that empowers me to navigate the grief.
The journey has not been without its challenges; grief, an uninvited guest, still linger at times. Yet, the comforting embrace of God’s promises has illuminated the path, leading us forward in grace.
In this ongoing symphony, we discover that even in the melodies of grief, God’s grace orchestrates a song of hope. I may not know what the day may bring but I know who brings the day.
Blessings, health, and love in 2023 🖤
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