I don’t spank my children, and the most reoccurring compliments I receive about them is how well-behaved, kind, and respectful they are. Maybe that’s because my husband and I have always respected them enough not to hit them.
I remember when my 16-year-old was little, and I slapped his tiny hand — a reaction I thought was normal because it seemed like the “typical” way to respond. But, oh, did I feel horrible afterward. It felt completely wrong to do that. I decided I couldn’t be the kind of parent who spanks their kids. It just didn’t feel right to hit my child.
I know spanking has been a common form of discipline for generations, and some might refer to scriptures like Proverbs 13:24, which says, “Whoever spares the rod hates their child, but the one who loves their child is careful to discipline them.”
But I don’t believe this scripture is meant to encourage physical punishment for every mistake, like drawing on a wall or forgetting a chore. To me, it doesn’t make sense that spanking a child over a simple mistake or mischief is the kind of discipline being talked about in the Bible.
The rod in that context is often interpreted as a symbol of guidance or correction—not a literal tool of punishment. We need to look at the bigger picture of loving discipline, which is about teaching and nurturing, not inflicting pain.
Spankings Shut Kids Down
When a child gets spanked, it doesn’t teach them a lesson—it teaches them fear. Instead of understanding what they did wrong, they learn to shut down. They may stop a behavior out of fear of punishment, but they don’t actually grow from it. Worse, spanking can create anger and resentment, leading to more aggressive behavior. If we hit them when they misbehave, how can we then tell them not to hit others? What kind of message does that send?
I Can’t Imagine Causing My Child Pain
As a parent, my job is to guide, protect, and love my children. I can’t imagine intentionally hurting them. No matter how frustrated I’ve been, nothing has ever made me want to hit them. Have I raised my voice? Yes. Have I had moments where I fell short of being the best mom I could be? Absolutely. But I have never believed that physical pain is the answer to discipline.
There Are Better Ways to Teach
Discipline doesn’t have to involve hitting. There are plenty of other ways to teach kids right from wrong that don’t involve physical punishment:
• Taking away privileges – Losing a favorite toy or screen time can be a powerful lesson.
• Time-outs – A few minutes to cool down can help kids reset and reflect on their actions.
• Natural consequences – If they don’t clean up their mess, they don’t get to do something fun until they do.
• Talking it through – Helping kids understand why something is wrong can be far more effective than a spanking.
My Kids Aren’t Perfect—And That’s Okay
Please don’t think I’m saying my kids are little angels who never misbehave. They push boundaries, they test my patience, and yes, they talk back sometimes too. They are kids, through and through. But they are also good kids—kind, respectful, and thoughtful. I am proud of the little humans they are becoming, and I don’t believe spanking has anything to do with raising well-behaved children. If anything, I believe they are this way because they have been raised with respect, not fear.
At the end of the day, every parent has to choose what works for their family. But for me, spanking has never been an option. I want my kids to learn from their mistakes, not fear me because of them.
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